Rocky Rajah Predicts The Future!

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Rocky Rajah Predicts The Future!

Greetings my little friends!

I am Rocky Rajah!

The mystic who sees all there is to see!

Another year is has come & gone!

Here are my predictions

For the Year 2020!

JANUARY 2020

In January 2020, a new dance craze called Jabberwocky will become popular all over the whole wide world! This unique dance requires one to wear a paper bag on their head as they pole vault over their dancing partner and recite this line from Lewis Carroll's famous Jabberwocky poem: “Beware the Jabberwock...One, two! One, two! And through and through!" While this heady dance craze will only last for six month's time, it will remain quite popular in Ukraine where it will become that country's new national dance.

FEBRUARY 2020

Shane MacGowan

After falling off of the wagon, Keith Richards will try to salvage his reputation by producing a new album by former Pogue's front man, Shane MacGowan.

Keef Richards Before the McGowan Sessions

Keef After the McGowan Sessions

MARCH 2020

During the month of March, Several Celebrity Chefs, blissfully unaware that the hip hop music craze has started to fade in popularity, will form a hip hop combo and attempt to tour the United States and Canada. The band will feature the unlikely musical talents of Bobby Fly (kazoo), Mario Batali (cheese grater & tambourine), Guy Fieri (turntable and loud shirt) and Top Chef star Tom Colicchio (lead rapper aka "Big Bald Mutha"). During their first concert in Seattle, Washington, the group will be pelted by heads of bok choy and over ripe coconuts. Two days later at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, President Donald Trump, whose Trump Organization is the tour's sponsor, will try to have the entire audience arrested by FBI agents when they begin throwing moldy figs at the hapless rappers as they go through their paces.

APRIL 2020

All across the United States of America, In the early morning hours on April 1st, ears of genetically modified corn will come to life and begin staging hold-ups at various 7-11 stores. These freakish crimes will suddenly come to an end when there is a sudden heat wave and the ears of corn will begin to explode into popcorn. Rumors will persist that this entire incident was the result of some bizarre secret experiments that were being held at several Orville Redenbacher factories.

MAY 2020

The craze for vinyl records will reach a new height as people far and wide begin purchasing vinyl albums with abandon. This will lead to folks wearing vinyl suits, driving vinyl cars and wearing vinyl socks. McDonald’s will introduce the Vinyl Burger made of fake meat and served on two thin shards of vinyl! A Sixties-like catch phrase of “Plastic is is a groovy thing!” will become popular as those in the know find different ways to integrate vinyl into their lives. Oprah Winfrey will release a cover version of Jefferson Airplane's "Plastic Fantastic Lover" that will feature chanting by Tibetan monks and an all-star kazoo orchestra!

JUNE 2020

Internationally funded food scientists will invent edible grass suitable for consumption by human beings! Touted as a way to end world hunger, many governments will adopt the slogan "Let Them Eat Grass!"

Bob Dylan

With the recent success of his Heaven's Door Whiskey under his belt, Bob Dylan will seize the day and open Lawn Gone!, the world's first restaurant with a grass-based menu.

Lawn Gone will close suddenly when Ellen DeGeneres, shooting a segment for her popular talk show at Dylan's eatery, is killed in a bizarre lawn mower accident.

JULY 2020

John Lydon aka Johnny Rotten, former lead singer of ye olde Sex Pistols, will attempt one last publicity stunt by jumping off the London Bridge into a barrel of beer. Things will go awry as Rotten fails to land in the barrel of beer and instead lands on a barge carrying 2 tons of horse dung. This incident will lead to Rotten becoming a laughingstock in every pub in the UK and he will move to Alaska and become a smelly recluse.

AUGUST 2020

In a surprise move, Kanye West will throw his hat into the 2020 Presidential election ring and attempt to run for office as the 3rd party candidate of the Jocularity party. While delivering his acceptance speech at the Jocularity convention which will take place at The Shim Sham Pancake House in Egg Yolk, Montana, Kanye will say, "When I am elected to the Presidency I am going to change the nation’s language from English to Gobbledeegook; a language I recently created in his spare time!"

SEPTEMBER 2020

Steven Tyler (who many of you will remember as the former front man of the rock combo Aerosmith) will announce that for the last 10 years he has been living his life as a professional time traveler and that we will all will have the ability to travel through time in 2020! Unfortunately, Tyler will not go into specifics about how this will come to pass. Instead, he will request that we all make a donation to his Time Travel For All Go Fund Me page.

OCTOBER 2020

Beginning in October 2020, the American public will enthusiastically embrace the use of robots in their daily lives. One of the drawbacks of this new phenomenon is that many of these home robots will become overly attached to their human families and will experience severe anxiety when separated from their favorite humans.

Things will begin to get out of hand when all these household robots run amok on Halloween night. This will come to pass because the robots don’t recognize their human friends when they try to enter their houses dressed up in their Halloween costumes.

NOVEMBER 2020

Anson Williams

Jann Wenner, head honcho at the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, will insist that Anson Williams (former teen idol & cast member of Happy Days) be inducted in to the Hall in 2020. Upon hearing this news, hordes of rabid rock & roll fans will descend on the Hall with torches in hand!

Larry "Wild Man" Fischer

Jann Wenner will go into hiding for several weeks until he agrees to induct Larry Wild Man Fischer instead.

DECEMBER 2020

After losing the 2020 Presidential election, Donald Trump will return to the reality television show circuit with a brand new show called, "This Sucks!" During each episode, Tump will proclaim that he and he alone is the world's greatest restaurant critic. Each week, Trump will show up at one of the world's most famous eateries, order everything on the menu, take a bite of each dish and then turn to the camera and say, "This Sucks!" Many magazines, when reviewing the show, will simply use the show's title as the only content in their reviews.